Adam Jones ’14 Leaks Email About Mr. Becks’ Wig Withdrawal

Adam Jones `14

 

Dear Adam,

 

“Clips for Cancer” was an outstanding event. The student body came together in support of one another, teachers and faculty united with the students, and money was donated for a very worthy cause. Possibly the greatest result of this event, however, was the week after. As an extremely important and feared member of the staff, I was chosen to wear a wig for the entirety of the following week. At first, I was mad. An authority figure such as myself wearing a hairpiece? No. But after that first, cold and rainy Monday, something happened to me, Adam. A feeling I thought to be long lost had returned and filled my head with something beautiful. That feeling was warmth. This wig sparked a new life in me I never knew I had. As I would walk down the halls, students and faculty alike would shout, “Is that Justin Bieber?” I would hide my blush and flattered smile and quickly flash my Dean of Men face. But I couldn’t help it; that week was the best week of my life. Now, I am lost. I have talked to  Mr. Kubacki, Dr. Good, Mrs. Becks, and none of them will let me bring that gloriously groomed toupee back. What is a Dean to do?

 

Sincerely,

 

Cold Head Becks

Dear Cold Head Becks,

 

Ah, the comfort of hair. I, for one, enjoy the feeling of having it on my head every day. It is because of this feeling that I can sympathize with you. I know wig withdrawal can be a serious thing, something that can shake a man to his bones, but you will endure. May I suggest starting with a natural comb over, and slowly moving your way back to longer and longer wigs. The transition will seem natural and much more convincing. A toupee can really make a man look more intimidating, especially the one that you described as “Justin Bieber”-esque. This could be your selling point to Mr. Kubacki and Dr. Good. Not only will the wig be a comfort to you, but it will make your treasured “fear-factor” increase exponentially. As a student, I would never want to break a rule knowing the newly wigged Becks would yell at me. On the bright side, summer is fast approaching, and your cold head will no longer need covering. I wish you the best of luck in your hair journey, and hope to hear back from you on the progress of your toupee.

 

Sincerely,

Adam

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